Revenge of the slitheen alternate
by Kraydo fel fotch passameer day
Summary: Its revenge of the slitheen but has modifications to the story, to make its better and shows how it should have ended


**[Control room]**

**Slitheen****:** Not them. Scan along. Where is he?

**Blakeman:** There! Him.

(They zoom in on a large teacher.)

**Slitheen: **He's not that big. How will I fit?

**Blakeman: **He'll do. Get yourself ready. I'll go fetch.

**[School corridor]**

**JEFFREY: **What can I do for you?

**BLAKEMAN: **Stand right there, Tim.

**JEFFREY:** Any particular reason?

**BLAKEMAN:** Very particular.

(He lets out a fart)

**BLAKEMAN:** Ooo!

**JEFFREY:** Happens to us all.

**BLAKEMAN: **And I'll need those.

**JEFFREY:** Sorry?

(The headmaster takes Tim's spectacles just as the wall opens behind him and a green claw taps him on the shoulder. Tim turns and screams but its to late he already has a slash in his forehead. Blakeman helped take the body into the secret room.)

**[control room ]**

(The slitheen has emptied out jefferys body and installed a zip. It stepped into the large skinsuit of Jeffery. the Slitheen moaned as it was compressed, Jefferys skinsuit going up it's legs, before reaching it's waist and finally covering it's head. The Slitheen pulled a zip across the forehead of jeffery.)

**Blakeman:** How is it? Tight?

(Jeffrey let out a fart)

**Jeffery:** Oooo thats much better

**[School assembly]**

(The Headmaster steps up to the podium.)

**BLAKEMAN:** Good morning, everybody.

**ALL:** Good morning, Mister Blakeman.

(Mister Blakeman farts. The children laugh.)

**BLAKEMAN:** The wife gave me cabbage and bean tartlets last night. Yet another reason to despise Jamie Oliver. Right. Assembly, yah di yah.

(Jeffery walks onto the stage, farts and sits down.)

**BLAKEMAN:** Welcome back everybody. It's a new year. Hope you all do well. Don't run in the courtyard. Don't even think of wearing make-up, we wouldn't want you to disguise your true selves.

(Jeffer lets out a smug little laugh)

**BLAKEMAN:** So, what else.

(Blakemen looks at jeffery

**BLAKEMAN:** Oh, yeah. What a bright future you've all got, children of the world, etcetera. Right. As you've seen, we have a new technology block. I'll be taking you over in groups to look at our amazing new facilities, starting with Form 10B.

**[Technology block]**

**BLAKEMAN: **There are Sixteen classrooms with broadband connections, but anything dubious your adolescent minds may be drawn to, I have locked out.

**LUKE:** I've signed us up for this. First meeting's tomorrow.

**CLYDE:** Lunchtime science club? And now I'm backing away.

(Blakeman lets out a deep fart, the children start laughing)

**BLAKEMAN:** Shut up!

**LUKE:** Why is farting funny?

**CLYDE:** It just is.

**LUKE:** But it's a normal process of the human bowel.

**CLYDE:** Are you for real? It smells weird in here.

**LUKE:** Farts?

**CLYDE:** I don't know. Metal. Electric.

**LUKE:** Like batteries.

**[Tech block]**

**BLAKEMAN:** Goodbye, repellent pubescents. Until tomorrow.

**JEFFREY:** This skin, it's killing me round the legs.

**BLAKEMAN:** Right. Time for a test run.

**Jeffery:** Now? What about the caretaker?

**BLAKEMAN:** I've taken care of the caretaker. Everything's ready. Come on.

**[Control room]**

**BLAKEMAN:** Systems online.

**JEFFREY: **That's it.

**BLAKEMAN:** Now, synchronise the mega-wattage.

**JEFFREY:** Synchronising mega-watty. Er

**BLAKEMAN:** That one.

(Blakeman throws the red-handled switch and light flashes around the room.)

**BLAKEMAN: **Lights out, London.

( The machine works for a few minutes before sparks fly around the control room)

**JEFFREY:** What was that?

**BLAKEMAN:** It's destabilising hell!

**JEFFREY:** Turn it off, turn it off! Turn it off!

(So they do.)

[**school corridor**]

**JEFFREY:** Fantastic. Finally every station in the loop is working, but the stabiliser cuts out.

**BLAKEMAN:** I'll work out how to fix it.

**Jeffery:** You bought those plans off that Wallarian. You took his word it worked.

**BLAKEMAN:** I just need to sort out the storage problem, then it'll stabilise, okay?

**Jeffery:** Until then I'm stuck here, in this, teaching science on the planet Thick where they still haven't worked out string theory. Ooh, it chafes.

**BLAKEMAN: **Oh, shut up. Don't you get it? We're nearly there. One more step and we destroy this planet!

(They look at each other with a menacing grin and chuckle)

**[Lab 2A]**

**JEFFREY: **A transformer is an electrical device that changes the voltage of an alternating current supply, the AC supply, such as your, our mains electrical supply. Anybody know who invented the first transformer?

(Luke's hand shoots up.)

**JEFFREY:** You.

**LUKE:** Faraday.

**JEFFREY:** Correct.

**LUKE: **Though he didn't know what he could use it for.

**JEFFREY:** What?

**LUKE:** Faraday didn't know what he'd invented. I've thought about it, too. You could get rid of the transformers, get a better system and induct power instead.

**CLYDE:** Just pointing out, I'm nothing to do with him.

**JEFFREY:** Quiet! Name.

**CLYDE:** Clyde Langer.

**JEFFREY:** Troublemaker. Noted.

**CLYDE: **Okay.

**LUKE: **You're cool because you make trouble. Should I make trouble?

**JEFFREY:** I hear talking! What are you doing?

**CLYDE: **My pen's run out, I'm getting a new one.

**JEFFREY: **Let me see that.

(Jeffery sniffs the plastic bag.)

**JEFFREY:** Oh! What is it?

**CLYDE:** Cold chip sandwich. Made it this morning. Not chancing my life in that canteen again.

(Jeffery dumps the bag in a vivarium.)

**CLYDE:** Oi, what are you doing? You can't do that!

**JEFFREY:** You can wait until lunchtime and use the canteen like everybody else.

**CLYDE:** I'll report you for that.

**JEFFREY:** Go on, try it. (Jeffery hold the desk for support as he lets out a rather big wet fart. followed by a smaller dry fart Then the School bell.) Right. For tomorrow, a thousand words on transformers.

**JEFFREY:** Two thousand!

**[Tech block]**

**JEFFREY:** Incredible knowledge. This child, Luke Smith, he must be a freak.

**BLAKEMAN: **You really think he can help us?

**JEFFREY:** Yes, we'll use him to solve the storage problem.

**BLAKEMAN:** A fourteen year old human child?

**JEFFREY: **There's something's strange about him. These kids stink. Acne, grease, coats and crisps. But he smells fresh.

**BLAKEMAN:** When can you get to him?

**JEFFREY:** Very soon. We have a rendezvous.

**[Lab 2A]**

**JEFFREY: **Welcome to Lunchtime Science club. I had hoped for a slightly higher turnout, but never mind.

**LUKE:** There's only me.

(A plump boy enters, slightly bigger than Luke )

**CARL:** And me. Carl.

(he lets out a wet fart)

**LUKE:** Luke. Pleased to meet you. Hi.

**JEFFREY:** Carl's the science star of the school, supposedly. Take a look at this. Now, over the summer I've been having tons of jolly fun working on a new project. What do you make of this?

**CARL:** Er

**LUKE:** It's a model for a giant capacitor system.

**JEFFREY:** And purely theoretical, of course. Nobody could possibly build anything like this for real.

**LUKE:** You designed this?

**JEFFREY:** Yes. I'm wasted here. Do you like it?

**LUKE:** It's amazing. Let me see.

**JEFFREY:** Now, I have a problem. My purely theoretical problem is, anyone?

**LUKE: **Don't tell me. Oh, yeah. With this, you could store huge amounts of electrical energy. But there's a loophole. Here in the storage, it wouldn't stabilise.

**JEFFREY:** That's my problem. Well done. Gold star. (to Carl) No star.

**LUKE:** You went wrong here. You need to add an equation into the computer control.

(Luke starts writing on the whiteboard. Lots of undefined Greek characters and other letters.)

**LUKE: **Yeah?

**CARL:** I'll take your word for it.

**LUKE: **The power stabilises, all your problems are over.

**JEFFREY:** Yes, all of my problems are. I don't know about yours, though.

(He smiles, trying to hold in the laughter. Carl and luke walk out together talking about scienci geek stuff)

**[Playground]**

(Luke and Carl came walking out of the technology blog and went their seperate ways. Lukes spots Maria and Clyde and strolls on over to them)

**Maria: **found a new friend then

**Luke: **yeh, Mr Jefferys realy nice to, I think we're gonna be friends

**Maria: **you don't make friends with the teachers. Anyways Sarah jane phoned, she wants us to investigate the new block.

**CLYDE: **What are you doing?

**LUKE:** We're investigating the new block.

**MARIA:** I left something in the new block.

**CLYDE:** What is it with you and her? I've seen weird people. I know weird people. But you two? You're beyond weird.

**LUKE: **Go find some normal people then.

**[Lab 2A]**

**JEFFREY:** Result.

**BLAKEMAN:** Yes, that's it. And he just handed it over.

**JEFFREY:** Hilarious. Humans. Even the clever ones are stupid.

**BLAKEMAN:** At last we will be avenged! We'll finish this planet tonight.

(They marched out of the classroom proudly)

**[Coldfire Construction]**

(A very tatty place for an international building firm. Sarah Jane is confronted by a large woman.)

**JANINE: **Can I help you?

**[Coldfire Construction Office]**

(Janine is the woman who was watching Sarah Jane and the Headmistress at St Cheldons.)

**JANINE: **So what are you saying about our company then?

**SARAH JANE:** Miss?

**JANINE: **Oh, you can call me Janine.

(She lets out a loose fart)

**SARAH JANE:** Janine. I've been reading up as much as I could. It's not just these school projects in London. You've moved from country to country, hiring cheap local labour, no questions asked.

**JANINE: **Yes?

**SARAH JANE: **At your building in Santiago, workers refuse to go in. Food goes off. Endless technical problems. Valencia, Paris, the same story. And another thing. The plans for each building have a large empty area behind a wall. Why is that?

**[Tech block]**

**LUKE: **There's another room, a secret room, behind there.

**CLYDE:** I'll tell you this

**LUKE:** But how do you get inside?

**CLYDE:** Oh, I'm not getting through here. Stop being strange!

(Clyde leaves Luke alone.)

**[Computer science room]**

(Maria hides under a desk as Jeffery enters.)

**JEFFREY:** Who's that? Hello? I know you're in here. I can smell you. Oh, a little girl, fresh as a daisy. Sugar and spice and all things nice. You really shouldn't be hanging around school after home time. Not when I've got no reason to hide in this stupid skin any longer.

(he takes a deep breath in and Maria peaks under the IT desk)

**[Coldfire Construction]**

**SARAH JANE:** I think that because these projects are so far apart, nobody connects you with the problems, so on you go.

**JANINE:** I strongly advise you to leave right now, if you know what's good for you.

**SARAH JANE:** Is that a threat?

(Janine leans forward on her desk)

**JANINE:** Yes.

**[Computer science room]**

**JEFFREY:** After all, why should I hide?

(He unzips his forehead taking pleasure in it. The room turns blue)

**[Coldfire Construction]**

**JANINE:** Well, that was your last chance, Miss Smith. Be fair. I did give you fair warning.

(Janine unzips her forehead, cackling as she does it)

**[Computer science room]**

(Jeffery tugs at the skin pulling it down, his head pops out, followed by his body. Then Tim's body suit falls to the floor, and the big green Slitheen stretches to full height.)

**Slitheen/JEFFREY****:** I am Slitheen! Oh, I love it when they run.

(He giggles and starts to chase Maria)

**[Control room]**

**BLAKEMAN: **Your Luke Smith's right outside, just as planned.

**[Tech block]**

**Slitheen/JEFFREY****:** There's another one. I'm after her now. Oh, it feels good, after so long.

**[Control**** room]**

**BLAKEMAN:** Rejoice in your hunt, Husband.

**[Coldfire Construction]**

**Slitheen/JANINE**: I know you're in here. I can smell you. Mmm, what lovely perfume you're wearing, Miss Smith. You're positively fragrant.

**[Tech block]**

(Maria catches up with Clyde.)

**MARIA:** We are out of here now. Come on!

**CLYDE: **What?

**MARIA:** Where's Luke?

**Slitheen/Jeffery: **I know you're out there, girl.

**CLYDE:** That's only Mister Jeffrey.

**Slitheen/Jeffery: **And there's another one. A boy!

**CLYDE:** You are sad. Hiding from a teacher. What's he going to do, give you a detention?

(Then the Slitheen comes around the corner and roars

**MARIA:** Come on!

**CLYDE: **Oh, no. Oh, no!

**[Coldfire Construction]**

**SLITHEEN/JANINE: **Run! It's no fun if you don't run. The smell of human fear. Love it!

(She bends over sarah jane and has a jiggle in her hips)

**[TECH BLOCK]**

(Maria and Clyde hide under the stairs.)

**SLITHEEN/JEFFREY****:** Children, children, come to me.

**MARIA:** We've got to get out of here.

**CLYDE:** We can't. We need to fight them.

(Carl spots them through the glass in the door. He lets out all his farts. Then opens the door)

**CARL:** Quick in here

(They follow him)

**[LAB 2A]**

**CLYDE:** So where's Jeffrey? I heard him.

**MARIA: **That's Jeffrey, that thing chasing us.

**CLYDE: **Oh, I'll believe it. Why not?

**MARIA:** Thanks. What do we do now?

**CARL: **we wait and make a plan for an easy escape.

**Maria:** Have you seen luke?

**CARL: **No sorry, I haven't seen him

**[Coldfire Construction]**

(Slitheen Janine , raises a claw to decapitate sarah jane)

**SARAH JANE**: Good sense of smell, have you?

**SLITHEEN/JANINE****: **Oh, yes best nostrils in the galaxy, official.

**SARAH JANE:** And you like my perfume?

**SLITHEEN/JANINE****:** Lovely.

**SARAH JANE: **Then sniff this.

(Sarah Jane sprays Janine's face with the contents of the bottle in her handbag, then smashes it on the floor. Janine screams with pain as Sarah Jane runs to the door, sonicks it open and drives off.)

**[Control room]**

**BLAKEMAN:** Come on, boy. Don't you want a closer look?

(He lunges at luke)

**[School Corridor]**

(as the door to the secret room closes a blue light emerges abrubtly)

**[Lab 2a]**

(Maria hangs up the phone)

**Maria: **Sarah jane says we should head to the front of the building

**Carl: **whos sarah jane?

**Maria: **just trust me

(they run out of the lab, carl was last so he could fart)

**[Tech block]**

**LUKE:** I've found a secret room

**MARIA:** Not now.

**CLYDE: **Luke, have you been hiding in the canteen

(The automatic doors to the block won't open.)

**CARL:** Get it open.

**CLYDE:** It's locked. That thing's real, isn't it?

**MARIA:** It's real.

(Sarah Janes pulls up and she gets out in a hurry and sonicks the doors open with her lipstick.)

**SARAH JANE:** Into the car.

**CLYDE:** Come on, hurry.

(She sonicks the door locked again just as Blakeman and Jeffery naked in their true slitheen forms arrive.)

**[Playground]**

**CLYDE:** What's that thing?

**LUKE: **just don't question it

**CLYDE:** Oh, of course.

**SARAH JANE: **What are them two doing here?

**MARIA: **Sorry. They wouldnt leave me and luke alone

**SARAH JANE: **More lifes in my hands. Just what I needed.

(Its a tight squeeze but they all make it into the car)

**[Tech block]**

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****: **They're getting away. Perfect

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN****:** That woman had some sort of sonic disruptor. This is a level five planet, they're primitives. How did she get that? Who is she?

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****: **The galactic police. She could be one of their agents.

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN****: **No, she's human. She smelt frail.

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****:** She'll snap like a branch then. luckily she will be back. Tonight's the night the lights go out.

(they stroll of giggling, arms around eachother)

**[Outside Sarah Jane's house]**

**CLYDE: **I want answers. I've just been chased by aliens and you aren't even freaking out. Why? Who are you?

**MARIA: **You guys have got to go home. Forget this ever happened. Go home.

**CLYDE:** No, I'm part of this now. I want to find out the truth. What's in there and who's that woman?

**MARIA:** Just leave us alone, okay?

**CLYDE:** The police won't leave you alone when we call them and tell them what happened. Show me.

**MARIA: **Okay. Theres no point trying to convince you either is there Carl.

**Carl:** Nope

**[Tech block]**

SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN: at last. We've waited so long for this moment.

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****: **Times have been hard.

**SLITHEEN/****BLAKEMAN****: **They've been closing in on us from all sides. Judoon, forcing us out, the other families against us. This will give us a new beginning. Wealth, security.

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****: **When we have the money, what then?

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN****: **We'll buy a fleet of battle cruisers, pick up the entire family and return home to Raxacoricofallapatorius. I shall smite the Grand Council, crush the Senate. The Blathereen and the Hostrozeen will beg for mercy at my feet! But we mustn't get carried away. First things first. We have the equation. Nothing can stop us.

**[Control room]**

**BLAKEMAN:** I've input the boy's catalyst equation. Now it works perfectly. We'll take the night side first, Build up the charge section by section.

(He walks over to a microphone)

**BLAKEMAN:** This is Glune Fex Fize Sharleveer-Slam Slitheen to all Slitheen units. Is everybody ready?

**[Attic]**

(Sarah Jane is reading from her tiny wrist computer screen.)

**SARAH JANE:** The inhabitants of Raxa, Raxa. Oh.

**LUKE:** Raxacoricofallapatorius.

**SARAH JANE: **The outcast Slitheen Family are scavengers, thieves of others technology. Known to infiltrate low-tech planets by hiding in the skins of the dominant native species. Gas exchange from skin compression often results in

**LUKE:** Farting. Farting's funny.

(Clyde, Maria and carl enter.)

**CLYDE: **Right, what's going on in here?

(They notice all the alien technology)

**SARAH Jane: **Why don't you bring all your friends round. The whole school.

**MARIA:** If he tells anyone, who's going to believe him?

**Luke:** I'll go make us a tea mum

(Carl has a scared look on his face, luke notices)

**LUKE:** Carl do you want to come and help me

(they walk out the attic chatting and giggling, Sarah jane calls Mr Smith out to help them)

**MR SMITH: **I detect this system can drain every last drop of energy from the Earth. Parkvale school's the last link in the chain.

**MARIA: **But it needs the whole chain all together to do that?

**SARAH JANE:** so we destroy ealings part of the chain and the whole system goes dead

**[Control room]**

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****:** It works.

**BLAKEMAN:** Section one down. Grazie, Napoli. Thank you. Moving to Section two. Hello, Washington DC.

**USA** : Howdy, London.

**BLAKEMAN:** Connect.

**[Attic]**

**Sarah Jane: **There's at least one Slitheen at every site.

**MARIA:** and theres 10 sites so 10 slitheen

(Carl and luke come into the attic with tea)

**Luke:** Theres more of them than that.

**Sarah Jane: **How do you know that luke?

**Luke:** well, there are 10 cities but more than 10 sites like st cheldons

**Carl: **How do we get past them then?

**MARIA: **Mr Smith give us all information you have on

**LUKE: **Raxacoracofalapatporians

**MR SMITH: **Accessing

**[Control room]**

**BLAKEMAN:** Section nine, clear. Dormez bien, Paris.

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****: **That makes us next.

**BLAKEMAN: **So, synchronise the mega-wattage.

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****:** Er

**BLAKEMAN:** Oh, for the love of Clom.

(BLAKEMAN pulls down a lever)

**[Attic]**

**SARAH JANE:** Mister Smith does like to take his time.

**MARIA:** Come on.

**MR SMITH:** Raxacoricofallapatorians. Calcium-based life-forms.

**MARIA:** Give us the weaknesses.

**MR SMITH:** Because they are calcium based lifeforms they cannot come into contact with

(The power goes out)

**Maria: **NO

**SARAH JANE:** We can't stop them without the sonic lipstick.

**CLYDE: **It's real. The end of the world.

**Carl:** What do we do

**SARAH JANE: **No Mister Smith, no sonic lipstick, no plan B. But we are the only people in the world who can stop this. And we will. Time to go back to school.

**[Hallway]**

**CARL****:** Without the sonic thing we can't stop them. Plus they'll get us before we even reach there.

**SARAH JANE:** If you can't say anything useful, go home.

**CLYDE:** Wait. This morning, Jeffery, the Slitheen Jeffrey, he went mad when he nicked my bag.

**MARIA:** So?

**CLYDE: **What's a Slitheen gonna care about that? You saw him. He sniffed it. He was scared.

**SARAH JANE: **What was in your bag?

**CLYDE:** My books, some Tangfastics, and my lunch.

**SARAH JANE: **Well, what was in your lunch?

**CLYDE: **Cold chip sandwich. I made it this morning. I wasn't going to eat anything from the canteen of death.

**MARIA:** So what, the Slitheen are allergic to potato? Bread? Butter?

**SARAH JANE:** No, no, no. The Slitheen in the office, she was eating a sandwich. What was on those chips?

**CLYDE:** Just salt and vinegar.

**CARL:** Salt. Must be it.

**LUKE:** If the Slitheen are made mostly of water, it would dehydrate them.

**SARAH JANE:** Kitchen!

**[Kitchen]**

**CLYDE: **So what are we going to do, just stand there and sprinkle them in salt.

**SARAH JANE:** Get it all into these.

**[Control room]**

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN:** they have returned

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY: **Shall we join them

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN****:** Of course

**[Tech block]**

**CLYDE:** They just let us walk in here.

**LUKE:** We want you here.

(They stop dead in their tracks)

**Luke:** sorry wrong pronoun

**SARAH JANE:** Anyway. The secret room?

**Slitheen/BLAKEMAN****:** Oh, human children.

the stench of haribo and chicken nuggets. wonderful

**Slitheen/Jeffery: **I smell sodium chloride

**SARAH JANE:** and we will use it if we have to

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY:** I see the boys did their job.

**Maria: **what do you mean

(Carl and luke start giggling,Luke lets out a fart)

**LUKE: **Ooo! That felt good

(he keeps farting and Carl joins in)

**Carl: **and me!

**Slitheen/JEFFERY: **You boys smell wrotten, its time to get changed

(Luke and carl unzip their foreheads and squeeze out of their skinsuits, they both sigh in relief)

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN****:** It's time to hunt.

(The slitheen advance on Sarah Jane, Clyde and Maria.)

**SLITHEEN/CARL: **This shall be fun

**SLITHEEN/LUKE: **Hold your breath you'll need it when the screeming starts

(The four slitheen attack them and Sarah Jane, Clyde and maria are slaughtered)

**[Control room]**

**SLITHEEN/JEFFERY****:** The family, they're hear.

(The rest of the family beam in,naked)

**SLITHEEN/BLAKEMAN: **the planets atmosphere is gone lets teleport to the ship

**Slitheen****:** and sell the energy

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
